Three

“Dang girl, what’s up with the sweater?” Sami asked Katie. “You know it’s going to be like 90 degrees in the shade, right?”

Katie shrugged. “It was cold in the house this morning,” she lied, not wanting to admit that she still heeded her mom’s suggestions. The radio was cranked up to the latest album that Beth had snagged off her brother, and the girls kept the windows down to bring in some remnants of cool wind that existed between pockets of fiery air. Katie held her hair down as best as she could to try and save the work she had put into it, knowing that it would be completely undone by the time she got to school. But she didn’t want to risk sounding like her mother by asking to roll the windows up. Besides, the other girls didn’t seem to mind that their hair was flying in all directions, so Katie shouldn’t either. But Katie couldn’t help but admit that it was different. Beth hardly cared about her appearance, which only made her prettier in her own natural way. And Sami, with her blonde hair and long legs, never seemed lacking in attention. Katie knew that the wind would only give Sami a windblown look reminiscent of someone who had spent the day at the beach, so much that she could almost smell the ocean on her. Katie, on the other hand, worked hard on her appearance. She had to. If she didn’t she knew she blended in with the crowd, her brown hair and freckles making her almost invisible. She knew she was the plain one in the group. Her lack of confidence made it so that she could never be as cool as Beth. And her mousy hair and lack of style made Sami’s league way out of her reach. And yet all three girls had been inseparable since grade school when they were placed in the same class and suffered the same torture from Tommy Algers who loved to pull girls’ long hair. It had been Katie who had put a stop to the antics of Tommy, grabbing him after he took hold of her long braid, and pulling him to the ground in a flurry of fists and shoves. She had been sent home that day by an unsympathetic principal, and punished severally with a belt to her backside so that it was several days before she could sit comfortably. But that event triggered so many different things. Her mother brought Katie dinner that night as Katie lay in her bed, crying silently over things that adults couldn’t understand. And Katie had caught the unmistakable glimmer of awe and respect in her mother’s eyes, even if it was just for a second. Tommy Algers avoided Katie at all costs, especially now as he was branded as the boy who was beat up by a girl. And most importantly, Katie had earned the approval of her classmates, suddenly being noticed for the first time. And Beth and Sami stuck by her like glue. Katie knew that their initial loyalty was in favor of protection. But their bonds grew stronger into something resembling a sisterhood in their teenage years.

“So what’s up with you and Brad?” Beth asked. Katie smiled at his name, and just shrugged in mock innocence as they pulled into the school’s parking lot. Sami laughed and reached from the front seat to playfully smack Katie’s knee.

“Katie, it’s not like we couldn’t see you two. Are you guys an item?”

“I don’t know,” Katie said truthfully. “He’d been drinking. We all were.” Katie mentally pretended that her few sips off his awful beer added up to something significant enough to consider drinking. “For all I know, he doesn’t even remember any part of the weekend.”

Even as she said the words, she prayed there was no truth in them. She had been surprised when he had parked himself by her next to the bonfire, inching his hand closer to hers that she had resting in the sand, waiting to be touched by him. And eventually he did, his pinky resting lightly on hers, cautiously enough but still sending bolts of electricity starting with her smallest finger and generating all the way down to her toes that she kept curled underneath her. Everyone around them was laughing and drinking, the ocean was wildly crashing underneath the full moon, and the fire crackled in the light breeze. But for all Katie knew, none of it existed except for she and Brad, connected by their fingers inching closer to being intertwined with an urgency that she had yet to understand.

Brad leaned close to her, taking his hand to brush the hair away from her ear. She could feel his breath as he whispered, “Let’s take a walk, Katie.” She smiled, ducking her head and looking at him shyly. They both got up and left the unsuspecting group. Katie shivered despite the warm air. They both walked with their hands stuffed in their sweatshirt pockets. As sure as Brad had always appeared to her, Katie could sense his sudden nervousness. It relaxed her a little more to know that she wasn’t the only one suddenly aware of her insides in a nauseous way. As the orange glow from the fire disappeared, he pulled his hand from his sweatshirt and took hers. They made small talk just to pass the time. But it all was a blur. The only part of the night Katie recalled with vivid accuracy, the only part that she replayed over and over again was the moment that words ceased to exist and Brad reached out and held the back of her head lightly, leaning in to kiss her softly on the lips underneath the moonlight on an otherwise pitchblack night. And Katie heard the ocean all around her, drowning them from far away as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her as their mouths said more than she’d said in her whole life.

“There’s Loverboy now,” Sami teased, nodding in the direction of the jocks that hung out in the quad by the gym. Katie tried to appear unphased as her eyes fervently searched the group of boys for Brad. Their eyes met, and Katie caught an unmistakable wink and smile. She smiled back in relief, forgetting her wild hair and mousiness in a group of beauty. It was just a wink. But he might as well have given her the world. And as Sami and Beth chattered along on their way to the lockers, as the first bell rang, as Katie moved through a sea of faces, she was convinced that he had.

Two

Note: Not sure if the transition from character's point of view is too abrupt. I might change this to two chapters, elaborating on the daughter first, and then on the mother in the next chapter.



Katie kept her eyes closed as she hit the snooze alarm on her clock radio. The early morning made it impossible to open her eyes just yet, and she could still feel the remnants of her dream overcoming reality. But as the last images were stripped from her mind, she sleepily rolled over and looked at the clock. 6:32. She sighed. Mornings were getting earlier and earlier, especially after this past weekend. Katie smiled as she recalled lounging at the beach with Beth and Sami, watching the boys show off in front of them with an overly energetic game of football. She touched her smiling lips as she mentally relived the memory of a first kiss from Brad Dennon, her high school's soccer hero.

"Katie! Time to get up," her mom called from down the hall. Katie reluctantly pulled the covers back and padded down the hall to the bathroom to take a shower. The hot water woke her senses, and she stood under the water 5 minutes longer than necessary to enjoy the pressure from the spray on her back. She then went through the normal routine of blowdrying her long brown hair, applying the slightest amount of make-up so her mom might not notice, and then choosing the perfect outfit to show off the tan she had accomplished over the weekend. Once satisfied, she bounced down the stairs and sat at the table where her mom already had a stack of pancakes waiting for her.

"Katie, I really hope you plan on wearing a sweater over that. It's a little....provocative," Mary Ellen said, taking in the tank top and skirt her daughter was wearing.

"Mom, it's hardly provocative. The straps are an inch wide. The only thing showing is my shoulder," Katie argued. Mary Ellen stopped flipping pancakes and reached over to pointedly tuck one of Katie's bra straps back underneath the strap of her tank top. Katie rolled her eyes. "Fine. I'll wear a sweater," she said, knowing full well that the sweater would be stuffed in her backpack as soon as she was out of view.

"Wipe off the lip gloss as well," Mary Ellen said as she kissed her daughter on the cheek. "Brian!" she called. "Would you kindly get your tush down here for breakfast! We're going to be late!" Katie's younger brother came into the kitchen, still wiping the sleep from his eyes, holding a shirt in his hands. Mary Ellen took the shirt and pulled it over his head, giving him a playful swat as he stumbled to the table to sleep-eat his breakfast. "Brian, don't lag, we have to leave in 15 minutes or you're going to be late."

A car horn sounded outside, and Katie jumped up from the table and grabbed her bag. "Gotta go, Mom. And I'll be late after school. Several of us are going to the Flying Pig after school."

"Katie, I don't know about you going with Beth to school. She only just got her license, and let's face it, she's a little reckless in that car of hers." Mary Ellen looked outside at the red convertible already holding Beth and Sami, the music a little too loud for the early morning. She waved at Mrs. Johnson across the street who was glaring out at the girls from her front window.

"Mother, Beth drives just fine. I've gotta go, they're waiting for me."

"Still, I could drop you off on the way to Brian's school. It wouldn't be any trouble," she said, knowing her words were falling on deaf ears.

"See you later!" Katie called, slamming the door behind her.

Mary Ellen sighed, wiping her hands on the hem of her robe. "Brian, when you're done eating, please clear your place and brush your teeth," she said. Then she went to her room and closed the door. Her husband was kneeling on the floor. He was already dressed in his business suit, though he was still barefoot. His eyes were closed and his lips barely moved as she heard his murmured whispers. Silently, she moved around him to get her dress from the closet. Slipping off her robe, she moved to pull the dress over her head, but paused as she observed the man she had been married to for 18 years. His back was to her, and he was so absorbed in his prayers that she wondered if he even knew she was there. It was then that he turned his head and looked at her. Mary Ellen made no move to put the dress on, standing in front of him naked, holding the dress in her hand. She didn't move, holding her breath as he looked at her, his eyes never shifting but taking in the sight of her full self in one uninterrupted image. For a brief moment, she saw his eyes soften. But it was only a moment. The seriousness in his eyes returned as he came back to the world she knew. She slipped the dress over her head and tied the strings in the back. "I have to take Brian to school. Are you going in late to the office today?" Joseph smoothed his pants as he stood up to sit on the bed.

"No, though I really should have left already. I'm meeting with the church council today to go over funding and I need to prepare." He put his socks on, one by one, as if there was a more distinct purpose to each sock than covering his feet. Mary Ellen always found it odd and intriguing how he could do that, take each moment and experience it as its own when she always found herself doing three tasks at once, and thinking of three others she needed to be doing. Even as rushed as he should be, Joseph moved gently and purposefully. When his shoes were on, he stood up and kissed her softly on the corner of her mouth. "I should be home for dinner. Do you think we can have that roast you've been setting aside? Bill and Sarah might be coming over for dinner." Mary Ellen smiled and nodded, frowning in her mind's eye. Bill was a part of the council, and more than likely Joseph and Bill would be talking shop while she was left to tend to Sarah. Sarah seemed to know every single person in the world who was suffering, and this put a terrible burden on her, as if she herself was suffering. Mary Ellen knew that she would be spending the evening suffering herself through the burdensome life of Sarah.

"Of course, honey. We haven't had the Richardsons over here in a couple weeks. I'm looking forward to it."

"Mom..." Brian called from the doorway. His shoes were untied and his hair was still a mess. Mary Ellen bent down to tie his shoes, and then smoothed his hair as best as it would smooth. At 7 years old he was more than capable of getting ready, but Mary Ellen relished his dependancy, especially since 16 year old Katie was so independent.

"Get your backpack, and let's go," she said. She gave her husband another kiss on the cheek and followed her son out to the station wagon in the driveway.

One

She put the cigarette to her lips, pressing slightly as she inhaled, tasting the sweet oils from the clove. The cigarette gave a satisfying crackle, the orange glow from the burning end lighting up an otherwise dark night. She took it from her mouth, holding the smoke inside until finally releasing it into the the night air. The cold took all that was inside her and grabbed onto it, a large thick cloud of smoke that separated into the air and became nothing again. It was her life, the something that really meant nothing. Wistfully, she put the clove back to her lips in the same motion. So deep in thought, she forgot the cigarette and the movement became involuntary. Inhale, breathe. Exhale, let go. Day in. Day out. Same old, same old. She was tired. What did it all mean? Where was she going? Where was the end? It didn't make sense.

She'd grown up in a painted glass house. She only knew what was shown to her. People were good. Good people win. Bad people existed, but they were far away. They were the "others", those that didn't conform to the way she knew. And they'd lose in the end. Her life was comfortable and safe and predictable. And above it all, God was watching.

But who was God? She stopped knowing a long time ago. He stopped making sense once the real world seeped in through the cracks in the glass. She realized that she never really knew him at all anyways. The world was fucked, and God wasn't anywhere in sight. He disappeared altogether when the glass house shattered completely, leaving her standing in the center all alone. He had given up on her, so she gave up on him.

She snuffed out the cigarette and looked at the door leading inside. Through the stained window she could see them. An outsider might see perfection, a happy family. She saw the demons that crawled all over them, her demons. One happily mixed the salad that would be part of dinner. The other rested comfortably in her father's arms as he put the finishing touches to the set table. He had always been better at this than she was. She couldn't understand why it didn't come naturally. It just didn't. Yet he had embraced parenthood with great ease. She had thought she wanted it too. But each positive pregnancy test cinched the chains even tighter, the chains that had been there since the day she was born. It solidified the fact that she would always be in this world of black and white, forget the shades of grey, and deny the stains of red.

She could stay in the night forever. The cool air felt good against her skin, making her forget the sticky heat from the day. Looking up, the moon was cresting over the giant tree that stood behind the fence that encased their property. It was nearly full, only a wisp of a cloud threatening its magnificent glow. A few stars sparkled across the sky, daring to make an appearance despite the competition from the city lights. She could faintly hear the sounds of the highway in the distance, a dull roar that danced in and out of the wind. She had heard it calling her. The sound was dangerous and exciting to her, enticing her to join in and be a part of it. She had always done what was expected of her, and she knew that deep down she would never give in to the unusual. She couldn't help but laugh to herself over that. Obey. Look what obeying had gotten her. Look at the last act God inflicted on her before he ceased to exist.

Standing at a crossroads for the millionth night in a row, she looked towards that invisible highway, and then back at her blonde girls now sitting at the table with their daddy, waiting for her. She sighed, turned the knob, and closed the door behind her.